"I mailed myself a love letter yesterday
I can’t wait to get it back to see what’s going in my life
and to see how my relationship with myself is developing
Yesterday I learned of all my faults and casualties
Tomorrow I will come to grips with how great I am
Next week I will begin teaching courses in coolness out of my house where water will enroll itself to learn how to become ice cubes
When I’m thirty-five, I will run for President, bringing back the goatee as a symbol of a good leader
I’ll be the first President of the United States to get elected without a campaign budget, but instead with the help of small woodland animals who control the winds of change
I will have Gomez, Jurassic 5 and Neil Diamond play at my inauguration
The White House will serve Top Ramen 24 hours a day
Whether I believe in life, I have to accept the fact that there are others who are more alive than I am
If I change my name to Robin Hood I can steal from the rich and give to the poets
I can wear tights and people will finally understand me
Deep down I’m a ballerina with a penchant for romance novels, daytime television & fuzzy slippers
Yesterday I felt like a singer with a song I couldn’t sing
Today I’m a father who will never have children, and tomorrow rests inside a full night’s sleep for a planet of 6 billion lovers and fighters who love to fight about everyone else on the planet
Sometime ago I promised myself I would keep writing
No matter my financial status
No matter how hard life kept hitting me
I would always put it down on paper
Whether it was in letters to women who never knew I loved them or in memos begging the phone company to let me continue to reach out and touch those who’ve grabbed me and held me in ways never really seen by human eyes
Give me one week and I promise I’ll send partial payment in words and paragraphs
It’s not easy to convince a corporation to accept a stack of poems as an IOU
I should know cuz I haven’t tried it yet
I promised myself years ago that I would never settle for average or mediocre, that I would always try to find the best and worst within myself and maybe I’d be able to work the two out so that they could learn from each other
It’s one thing to say that I’m worthy of love, it’s another thing to say that I’m worthy of my own
Cuz here I am with all this love to give and it seems as though I’m still trying to find myself so I know who to give it to
Sometimes when I listen to Al Green, I imagine he’s singing those songs to himself
That the battles and conflicts are all from within himself
Sometimes it works, and I feel better; I just go about my day
Sometimes he sounds crazy
But I know he sings about women
I know he cherishes them like I do
But I have much less confidence than Al Green, so I mailed myself a love letter yesterday
It was just a dress rehearsal
So that I know how to respond to the women who’ve told me
that I’m ugly, or I’m a great friend, or I’m just like one of the girls
I’ve learned to deal with it, but now it’s time to play with the hands I’ve been dealt
I know I’m not tall, dark & handsome
But two out of three ain’t bad
And now you’re wondering which two I’m talking about, but I only need one person to figure those out on her her own
What most women don’t know is that I try to keep others alive through what I do
And I do what I do for all of you, but mostly me
I depend on my sense of humor to stay alive
Most women say all they really want is a man with a good sense of humor
Liars! All of them.
In reality, I am just the right height for a man who loves life
When you stack badass at 5 feet 6 inches
I’m all you need
If I’m gonna find a girl that digs me with life’s biggest shovel, then I’m just gonna have to dig myself first"

"Political figures who talk a lot about liberty and freedom invariably turn out to mean the freedom to not pay taxes and discriminate based on race; freedom to hold different ideas and express them, not so much."